PSA: If You End Up with a Dead Hooker in Your Hotel Room, CALL A LAWYER, DO NOT TALK TO THE COPS

I’ve been thinking about that story of that poor guy strangling that gross, old, overpriced hooker to death in Vegas, and I think I need to put out a PSA on what to do if you accidentally kill a hooker.

You do not want to talk to the police about anything. Do not say anything at all to them. Do not attempt to explain yourself.

You have to call 911 if she’s unresponsive, but you don’t have to explain to the 911 operator what happened. It will take a while for the ambulance to get there, and it will take the cops even longer. They’re probably going to assume it was an overdose, because hookers use a lot of drugs.

Before the cops get there, you need a criminal lawyer on the phone, telling them you’ve got a dead hooker in the room. No lawyer is going to tell you to talk to the police, so it doesn’t really matter if it’s a good lawyer. You can get a better one later. You just need a lawyer to protect you from the police.

If you accidentally or even purposefully kill a hooker, it should not be a life sentence. If you choked her to death, there are very good arguments that it was consensual, which means it’s manslaughter, which is a far lesser charge than murder. Even if you beat her to death, you’ve got arguments. People do BDSM with hookers. Even if you weren’t doing that, and you were just drunk and angry and decided to beat up the hooker for some reason, there are arguments.

This goes beyond “dead hooker in the hotel room” situations. It’s everything. Never talk to the cops, in any situation where you could be accused of a crime (even if you don’t think you have been accused of a crime, don’t talk to the cops). If you are poor, make them give you a state lawyer. The state lawyer will be garbage, but you can tell them “I’m not saying shit.” They can’t make you.

You don’t really have rights in a general sense in this country. Ironically, once you’ve been arrested and charged with a crime, you have more rights than at any other time, because there are so many people and so much money that are dependent on the court system, so criminal law has to have some rules. Civil law, not so much. But criminal law is the last system in the country that still sort of works. It doesn’t really work, but it works better than anything else in this country.

This also obviously applies if the feds show up at your house and ask you about something you posted on the internet:

  • “Am I being detained?”
  • “I want a lawyer.”

That’s it.

DO NOT EVER TALK TO THE COPS.

It’s about time to repost this:

Watch it.

If you’ve watched it before, watch it again.

Have it drilled into your brain, because the natural response when you know you didn’t do anything wrong is to explain yourself. Actually, that’s the natural response even if you did do something wrong.

Whether you did something really wrong – like murder a hooker – or literally did nothing wrong – like post something racist on the internet – DO NOT EVER TALK TO THE COPS.

This could save you from decades in prison.